You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way // 
No fear can hinder now the promises you made //
​You make me brave //

this song by Bethel Music inspired my 2017 word of the year. b r a v e.

i've been struggling on whether or not to post this. no, i didn't reach my goal of being at my pre-pregnancy weight. that's not why i was hesitant to post. i was hesitant to share that i am still 2 pounds away & the reaction i would receive. before you roll your eyes & think "just 2 pounds", just a little insight: it takes me three weeks to lose 2 pounds. that's 30 miles of running, 105 meal preps & 15 hours of weightlifting. amazing how much effort it takes to lose 2 pounds. it isn't easy but it's possible. i hope this comes across as encouraging & that we don't take a pound of progress for granted. now with that said, i am so pleased with my 12 week transformation with imago fitness (curious about my transformation before pregnancy? click here!) cheers to healthy habits & continuing to pursue the best version of ourselves.

THE BAG // we have three diaper bags. yes, three. one traditional over-the-shoulder bag, one matching backpack, & one "manly" backpack for daddy ;) i guess its always good to have options, ha! however, once i bought myself the diaper bag backpack, my life forever changed. hands-free is the way to be. i would definitely recommend a backpack. the honest company has a very sleek design & good pocket space. the only downside for me was that everyone has it. i was at an outdoor birthday party, and three moms placed their identical honest backpack on the ground. i decided to purchase one that wasn't as popular & at a good price (info below).

THE ORGANIC GOODS // having to explain to my persian family what an organic diaper is is probably the hardest/funniest thing. whether this is just a trend or not, i really do like the diapers & wipes we use. i'm not, though, very brand loyal. i bounce between honest, seventh generation & babyganics. all of which have been fine & eliott has not reacted negatively to any of them. but, we tend to purchase honest diapers, seventh generation wipes & baby organics bath/skin products.

THE EXTRAS // the convenience of having a camera & video camera on our phones is amazing. however, i also carry my instax mini polaroid in my bag. i've been using these specific photos for eliott's baby book so i never know when i'll need it. i also purchased these mini carabiners for my wallet & keys. i hook them inside my backpack and hook the keychain on my wallet & keys so they are never lost. LIFE. SAVER. lastly, s'well bottles are all the rage right now. the modern design is so appealing. i purchased a s'ip one to keep hot water for times i need to use formula. i've tested how long it'll keep the water steaming, & i am happy to announce i've gone 5 hours & it was still steaming. WIN. & its black & so minimal in design. DOUBLE WIN.

below is my full list of items i store in my bag at all times. this caters to eliott's age range (up to 4 months). this seems like a long list but i get the to-go versions of most products to help with space...

not sure if i'm just #hormotional or what (as i sit here trying to keep my eyes open after my first day back at the office) but motherhood is a raw beauty. i love my son. i love being a mother to my son. i love having someone who needs me just as much as i need him. but this role is not always easy. i've only been in this tribe for 16 weeks & i'm still learning. not everything is as perfect as mommy bloggers & instamoms share. here are few things i've recognized that haven't been so glamorous...

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1 // postpartum sucks. from all the other moms i've indirectly surveyed, the results are unanimous. it really sucks. from physical recovery, an unrecognizable body & the reality of not knowing what you are doing is overwhelming. i've told friends i'd rather be preggo again than endure the ten days after birth. not being able to sit straight, wearing heavy pads & suffering from sleep deprivation is a formula for a midnight cry or three. but it gets better. i promise.

2 // returning to work is incredibly hard. to the stay-at-home-moms, treasure your opportunity & don't you dare be ashamed. i'm shocked when i hear some moms having to "explain" or "justify" why they didn't return to work. lucky you! enjoy it. i'm one day in & was an emotional mess as soon as i got home. granted, i pray things will get easier & i'm thankful eliott is being babysat by my mom but it's hard. i was genuinely surprised on how emotional i was. i really thought i could bounce back into the swing of things. not so much. i guess you can't really prepare yourself...rather trust that you know (or will know) what's best for your family.

3 // sometimes you're picked last. or not at all. if you think the girl world can get competitive (style, weddings, careers, etc), you're in for a real treat in the mommy world. missing out on playdates, dinners or group trips will happen. don't feel like you're not enough or not liked. however, learn to instead take the initiative & build community yourself. don't be afraid to pursue others!

4 // it's a love/hate relationship with your body. i look back on my preggo photos & am in awe of how large my belly was. how did i carry that weight?! God is one heck of a Creator, allowing the female body to experience childbearing. what a crazy & wonderful experience. but let's be real, the extra weight lingering months later is so frustrating. i've said multiple times, it doesn't matter if you gained 15 or 50 pounds, every mama has the right to feel frustrated with their pre-preggo jeans feeling snug. & if you don't? i salute you/tell me your secret.

5 // your friendships change, sometimes disappear. being unsure as to why friends are rarely texting you to see how you're doing, let alone come visit you...but have the time to visit other moms & their babies. yup, i said it & i admit, it does cross my mind. everyone is busy, i totally get it. i guess for me, it puts into perspective how i can be a better friend to someone in my shoes. they say if you want to see who your genuine friends are, have a baby. don't forget to appreciate & express gratitude to your friends who are taking the time to show you they are thinking of you. side note: never overlook family. they will be the only people you can 101% rely on. don't take them for granted.

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i would like to reiterate again, motherhood is a raw beauty. i'm so grateful to be in it. i hope if any mamas out can relate to any of the above sentiments, they know they are not alone. anything to add to the list?